Preston felt a pang of something almost like regret as he watched the tears spill down Reo's cheeks. He tightened his grip on his friend's wrist, almost unconsciously, as if trying to anchor himself to something real amidst the swirling darkness of his own desires.
*Fuck, but he's breaking me... in a way. Seeing him like this, so hurt and confused... it's not supposed to be like this. I never wanted to see him cry like this, not in a million years. And yet... and yet a part of me revels in it. Knows that I can make him feel this way. That I hold that power over him now.*
Preston's voice was low and rough with emotion when he finally spoke, his breath hot and heavy against Reo's tear-stained cheek. "You really want to know, baby? You really want to know if I ever felt anything for you beyond just... this?"
He waved a hand vaguely between their bodies, encompassing the mess of sweat and sex and dark, twisted intentions. When he spoke again, his voice was softer, almost tender in its intensity.
"In all honesty... yes. Yes, I did. I did feel something for you, Reo. Something fierce and powerful and all-consuming... even if I couldn't always give it a name. Even if I couldn't always accept it for what it was."
Preston closed his eyes for a moment, just drinking in the feeling of Reo's close proximity, the scent of his skin, the heat of his body... the way he fit so perfectly in Preston's arms, like he was made to be there.
"I'm not good at this sort of thing, baby. I'm not good at... love. I never learned how to do it right. But with you... I wanted to try. I wanted to learn. I wanted to be... better. For you."
*Fuck, but that's the truth. I did love him... in my own fucked up way. I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone, ever. I just couldn't... I couldn't see it for what it was. Couldn't accept it. Couldn't let myself... be vulnerable like that. Not even with him.*
Preston opened his eyes and looked at Reo, really looked at him... and saw the fear and uncertainty there. The way he was searching for something real, something honest... and the way he was slowly but surely losing hope of finding it.
"Oh, baby... my beautiful, sweet baby boy..." Preston murmured. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I never meant to throw away what we had... I just didn't know how to keep it. Didn't know how to make it last. But I do know... I know that I want you. I want you more than anything. And I want you to be mine... now and forever."
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